While we were texting late at night, at around 4-5 am, you just randomly told me that you wanted to do something with me, but you wouldn’t tell me what. It bothered me so I kept nagging at you to tell me what you were gonna say, you ended up telling me that you wanted to sleep with me and that you didn’t say it the first time cause it sounded weird. By sleep, you and I both knew you meant it in the most innocent sense possible. Not sex, not anything “nasty” like that, but you literally just meant, you wanted to fall asleep with me, just sleeping, nothing more. I told you that, that would be nice. I started to think about it and imagine us, like I always seem to do. The more I thought about it, the nicer it sounded. You and I, just us two, in one bed, with the covers on us and being next to each other, maybe even some cuddling and just…you know, being together. How nice would that be? The closest thing we ever go to doing something like that was when we were at David’s house that on Saturday with everyone and surprisingly, you were with me the whole entire day. From the beginning of the night to the end, you were right there, by my side. While we were on the couches, I had the blanket cause I was cold and there you were, you came and sat right next to me in that little chair/couch and you pulled the blanket over just the two of us and we just looked at each other and smiled and laughed and talked and messed around with each other. I loved that. While watching Julie and all of them play video games, you and I were on the big couch and you’d be sitting and I’d be laying down, with my legs on top of your lap, with your arms wrapped around them. I love doing that, so much. I really liked it when you were laying down on the couch and I just, sort of, laid down next to you and rested my head on your stomach. It felt…so nice. I love being able to do all of this with you. I love how comfortable we are with each other and I love how…happy I am with you. I love days like the day we had at David’s or like that time when we were at Rei’s house and it was just you and me in the basement in his room. We were on the bed, taking pictures together and just enjoying each others company and talking and laughing with each other. That was another day I loved too. Being with you that day, at Rei’s house, it reminded me of why I fell for you so hard and why I liked you so much from the very beginning. You know what another day I loved was too? That night, at fnf, I was so sad…so broken that night and as I was praising and singing, you came up to me, put your arm arm around me and asked me if everything was okay and I just looked at you, with sad eyes and nodded my head, you asked me if I was sure and I just…looked away and said “I don’t know”. You did something I didn’t expect, you wrapped your arms around me, hugging me, you started to pray for me. I was in shock…and it didn’t get my giddy or happy or whatever, like other girls would be, but it touched my heart and it didn’t distract me from God or anything. It just…really touched my heart and made me feel so cared for from you. I heard some of the things you mumbled in your prayer and I just stood there, with a slight grin on my face, while holding onto your arms. Thank you for that. It really meant so much to me. All these memories…all these days and nights I’ve spent with you…they put a smile on my face.  

There has to be reason to why I can’t get over you, there HAS to be some value to this. I honestly, feel like…God did put you in my life for a reason and with patience, we’ll both figure things out…together. I still think we’re going to work out. I really hope we do. There HAS to be a reason to why…why…I can’t let go of you and why everytime I do let go, you come right back. I hope we both find clarity in this soon. You mean so much to me.